the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
