And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
