i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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