U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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