You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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