we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it because I queefed?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
