Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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