he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
