the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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