I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
