im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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