i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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