And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
