how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
