Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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