Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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