she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
