I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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