Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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