omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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