My cat gives me a boner
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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