We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
