Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
