he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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