I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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