just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
