I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
