Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
