she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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