Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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