So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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