I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
