this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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