Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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