So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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