its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
