thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
