god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
