Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
