i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
