Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
