I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
as a side note pls kill me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
