I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
