Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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