I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
