I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
