grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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