He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Damn victory sex feels great
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
