Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
