Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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