wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
