Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
