Tell her she can't have a vagina
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
