WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
