So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
