i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
