So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had sex on a roof
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
