We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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