a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
