he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
