Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
