What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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