i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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