Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i need some magic done to my vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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