You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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