No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
