im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
