i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
