Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
