Umm I'm too high to move.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
