Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
